“Weeping may spend the night, but there is joy in the morning.” Psalm 30:5 HCSB
“a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.” Ecclesiastes 3:4 HCSB
Our family has experienced a lot of hurt and pain this week, but each day it is gettings better. I can almost talk about Brutus without crying, but I usually get a bit teary eyed. But like the Psalms says, “weeping may spend the night, but there is joy in the morning.” Joy came to our home yesterday in the form of a 15 pound bouncing, bumbling, happy puppy. May I introduce you to Esme’ Azul (Ez May AH zule). We call her Esme’. She is a 12-week-old white boxer.
We had told the kids that we would get another big dog. I have always felt safe in my house with Brutus here. He had never fended off an intruder that I know of or anything like that, but he always made us feel safe. I expected many different feelings with the loss of Brutus… sadness, sorrow, grief, guilt, denial…but the one I did not expect was fear. I never realized how safe Brutus made me feel. The first time I walked into the house at night alone and Brutus wasn’t there, I felt fear. The first morning that Chad left for work before daylight, I felt fear. In 13 years, I hadn’t felt afraid to be in or enter my home. I can’t say I like that feeling one bit.
Just for fun one day, to help bring a little happiness to our house, the kids and I started looking online at all the different breeds that are out there. We laughed at the funny ones and ooohhed and aawwwed at the adorable ones. It became the fun thing for us to do. Everyday new additions were listed and it was fun to daily check it out. On Saturday, I checked for a 2nd time and this little cutie was there. She was exactly what I was looking for. I wanted a white boxer.
After church yesterday we went to see her. (If you saw me after church and I looked like I had ants in my pants, that is why.) As soon as each of us saw her, sitting on their couch with her mama, we knew that she was the one we had been waiting for. I held back the tears as I felt the healing start. I saw her little paws and thought, “What big paw prints you need to fill.” Anyone following in the prints of Brutus is up for a challenge. Even Chad knew she was the one. She was the last of the litter of 12 to find a home, but I like to believe that she wasn’t the last chosen, but the one that God saved for us. The owners started falling in love with her and even had her sleeping in their bed with them. But with 2 large boxers and a baby on the way, they knew they needed to let her go. So they drastically reduced her price so that she would hopefully go quickly.
She is an amazing puppy who LOVES everyone. She is just perfect. Boxers are known for their love for children and she is no exception. She just adores the kids, especially Wyatt. She has great confidence and has transitioned wonderfully. We enjoyed watching her antics last night as she entertained us.
She finally wore herself out and fell asleep! And just to make her feel at home, yup, she slept with us!
I still miss my big Brutus. Our home will never be the same. We even thought today of how much Brutus would have loved Esme’. We brought out his bed from storage and she found her place on his throne. She definitely has some big paw prints to fill, but so far she is doing a great job.